Has it happened to you that your child is not achieving the results you expected, or that he is terrified of challenges, that he sees gigantic threats in the world or that he gets frustrated quickly? Today we want to talk about the importance of educating in safety, which will allow your children to embrace challenges, learning and be able to freely enjoy growing up.

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Taking risks, loving challenges and knowing how to get up in the face of a fall are some of the concepts that are considered essential today to face a fast, demanding world with an excess of information.

We all want the best for our children. Each one decides to educate from what they believe is correct. Some are stricter, others more relaxed; some have high expectations, others prioritize self-care, some focus on identifying their abilities or discovering a life purpose. Faced with that, we all agree that we want them to be self-confident so they can explore the world and adapt to it.

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As parents, we have enormous power in them, we are co-constructors of the story that they tell and will tell in the future. It is our words that will impact the answer to Who and how am I? It is that story that will help them (or not) to face the world.

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Security is built day by day, it is a mistake to believe that we are born safe or not. There are many parents who seek advice on how to have safe children. Here we will expose what is essential for us, what will allow us to tell a story about ourselves full of confidence, which will allow us to embrace challenges and open ourselves to growth.

It is essential to have a resource-focused view . Human beings grow and learn based on these. Curiously, we are more focused on improving what is not good than enhancing what is. If our son does poorly in mathematics, we give him a private tutor, instead of encouraging, for example, his ability in music. Saying what they do well allows your child to know what resources they have to flourish , where they stand out, where they should put strength in order to shine. Resources are not only actions, but also intentions and what they enjoy . How much focus or space do you give him to show him what is good, so that that is maintained?

We must help our children discover what they like, what makes them happy and teach them to do more of that . We are directors of our history, if we take center stage we can take charge of finding what contributes to our well-being. We are active beings within our history, we do not let it depend on others or on being “lucky”.

We are all in a constant learning process, in some aspects we are there all our lives. Celebrating progress, not just the final result, is essential to see that learning and challenging ourselves allows us to improve . Being able to identify our progress, no matter how small, gives us energy to continue and understand the value of effort. Let us remember Thomas Edison's phrase “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” Let's look at ourselves as parents, and see how much we celebrate progress, or if in general we celebrate only the final results, that does not allow them to inhabit the role of learner.

What happens to us when we make mistakes? What is it like for us to dwell in error? What happens to us when a child makes a mistake? It is through our example and what we say in the face of error that will allow our children to learn . Seeing learning in error is a challenge and it is educational. Remember that what you say impacts what your child will do and think about himself. Use still , as Carol Dewek puts it, when you fail to achieve a goal . It is very different to say, “you were wrong” from saying “you still haven't reached the result”, which still has a hidden presupposition that allows you to embrace challenges, it is that we believe you can achieve it and persevere in your goals.

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I invite you to think about what we are saying to our children , that they are discovering about themselves with our words. Language is action, it creates reality. It depends on you, in part, on the story your child constructs about himself. Good luck with that!

Elisa Señoret F:

Co-Founder of the family and educational consultancy “La Familia que Quiero”. Basic educator and strategic family coach.

On Instagram: @la_familia_que_quiero